A Series of South Park Stories
by NoahRoanSeville
Summary: stories set in South Park starring my OC, Ryan O' Neil
1. The New Kid

"Dudes, look! Someone's moving in across the street!" Kyle Broflovski exclaimed excitedly.

"Oh, God, I hope they're not Jews." Eric Cartman muttered.

"Shut up, fat boy!" Kyle yelled.

"Let's go see who it is." Stan Marsh declared.

("Good idea, dude.") Kenny McCormick mumbled.

The 4 friends, along with Kyle's younger adopted brother Ike walked over to the house and knocked on the door. It was answered by a boy about their age with short red hair. He wore a green hoodie, black pants, green shoes, and a golden crucifix necklace. "Oh, hello." He said in a thick Dublin accent.

"Hey, you're Catholic." Cartman noticed.

"Aye. So?" The boy asked.

"Just saying, dude. It'd be totally weak if you were a Jew." Cartman replied.

"Fuck you, Fatass!" Kyle snapped.

The boy raised an eyebrow. "I see. So yer an anti-Semite, eh?"

"Damn straight." Cartman said proudly.

The boy looked at Kyle. "An' by yer reaction, I'm guessin' yer Jewish?"

"I am." Kyle said.

The boy put his hand on Kyle's shoulder. "Then consider Ryan O' Neil yer friend."

Kyle smiled. "Thanks, dude. I'm Kyle, by the way. And this is my brother, Ike."

"Ba-ba-ba-bah." Ike babbled.

"And I'm Stan." Stan added.

("And I'm Kenny.") Kenny said.

"And my name's Cartman." Cartman finished.

"Well, I don't care who ya are, Fatass, but I'm happy t' meet th' rest o' ya." Ryan said.

"'Ey!" Cartman snapped.

"Awesome, dude! Come on, we're all gonna go to Stark's Pond and skip stones!" Stan said.

"Ma! I'm goin' out t' play! Back later!" Ryan called.

-

At the pond, the six boys skipped stones, but Ryan surprised his new friends by having the most skips.

"Damn, dude, how did you do that?" Kyle asked.

"I'm from Ireland. We were surrounded by lakes." Ryan explained.

"Sweet!" Stan smiled.

"Irewand Call." Ike cooed.

-

The 6 boys continued to skip stones for a little while longer, but after a while, Kyle began to lose steam.

"Hey, Kyle, are ya alright?" Ryan asked.

Kyle looked at Ryan. "It's nothing much, Ryan. It's just...you're Catholic. I'm surprised you don't hate me."

Ryan sighed. "Look, Kyle, I don't care that yer Jewish. I believe tha' what happened in th' Bible was part o' God's plan. B'sides, Jesus was a Jew. Ya may not believe tha' he's th' Son o' God, but I respect tha'."

Kyle smiled. "And I respect that you do believe that Jesus is more than a prophet." He and Ryan hi-fived.

"God, that is so weak." Cartman muttered.

"Shut up, Fatass!" Kyle and Ryan snapped at the same time.


	2. Religious Differences

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Religious Differences

by celticsorcerer1, 1 day ago

Literature / Fan Fiction / General Fiction

As school started in South Park, Kyle Broflovski met up with his friends on the playground. "Hey, dudes."

"Kyle, are you alright? You seem kinda down lately." Stan Marsh noticed.

"Must be a Jewish thing." Eric Cartman muttered.

("Cartman, just shut the fuck up, would you?") Kenny McCormick mumbled.

"Kyle, what's wrong?" Ryan O' Neil asked.

"It's about our friendship, Ryan. I mean, don't get me wrong, I think you're awesome, but I can't help but think that you resent me." Kyle revealed.

"What? Why?" Ryan asked.

"Cuz Jews killed Jesus, duh!" Cartman replied.

"Oh, I see." Ryan looked Kyle right in the eye. "Kyle Broflovski, you listen t' me right now. I am Catholic, yer a Jew. So what? I don't resent ya fer Jesus' death on th' cross. It happened as God willed it. No matter what, Kyle, yer me friend."

"Dude...that was...so gay!" Cartman complained.

"Shut up, fat boy! I thought that was cool." Stan snapped.

Kyle smiled. "Thanks, Ryan. I'm glad to have you as my friend. In fact, why not come to my house tonight to hang out? My parents are going out and I have to watch my brother Ike. We can talk about our religions there."

"Sounds fun." Ryan smiled.

-

That night, Ryan walked across the street to the Broflovski house and knocked on the door.

"Hey, Ryan. Thanks for coming." Kyle smiled. "Hey, Ike, look who's here!"

Ike came bouncing down the stairs. "Wyan!" He cheered.

"Hi, Ike." Ryan chucked as Ike hugged him. The three of them sat on the couch. "So, Kyle, any questions about Catholicism?"

"Yeah. If Catholics are okay with other faiths, why did they try to convert so many?" Kyle asked.

"In those days, tha' was th' mission Jesus gave t' his followers. Nowadays, with th' Church spread across th' world, we don't convert much anymore. We just pray for th' human race as a whole and try to help all people, especially durin' hard times. Heck, durin' th' Holocaust, Catholics risked life an' limb t' rescue Jews from Nazi oppression." Ryan replied.

"No way, dude!" Kyle exclaimed.

"'Tis true. Me people faked documents t' get yer people out o' th' country." Ryan said.

"My Hewo!" Ike babbled.

"So Jews and Catholics can get along." Kyle smiled.

"Aye. Say, mind if I ask ya a question?"

Kyle nodded. "Fire away."

"Why're ya so worried about our friendship? I would think it shouldn't matter tha' I'm Catholic an' yer a Jew." Ryan frowned.

"It doesn't, to me, anyway. But I'm worried that my mom might protest or something. She does do that a lot." Kyle admitted.

"Have ya tried talkin' t' her about it?" Ryan asked.

"Mama no listen." Ike pointed out.

"Ike's right. Every time I try to talk to my mom, she doesn't listen to a word I say." Kyle added.

"Hey, this isn't about Terrance & Phillip or Conjoined Twin Myslexia. 'Tis about you an' yer friends. I'm sure yer mother will listen this time. God willin'."

Kyle chuckled. "Your God or my God?" He teased.

"Yaweh watches over ev'ryone, Kyle Broflovski." Ryan smiled.

-  
Late that night, as Sheila Broflovski tucked Kyle in, he decided to speak up. "Mom, can I ask you something?"

"Of course, bubbe, what is it?" Sheila Broflovski asked.

"Well, my friend Ryan is Catholic, so I was wondering, is it wrong for he and I to be friends?" Kyle inquired timidly.

"No, Kyle, it isn't. Ryan respects your Jewish culture, right?" Sheila asked.

"Yeah. We even discussed the differences between his faith and mine so as to better understand each other's views." Kyle replied.

"There, you see? Ryan is an okay kid. Much nicer than that Cartman kid." Sheila muttered.


	3. Big Bro 2

As the fourth graders of South Park Elementary left their classroom at the end of the day, Kenny McCormick caught up with his friend, new kid Ryan O' Neil. ("Hey, Ryan, can I ask a favor?")

"Sure, Kenny. What's up?" Ryan asked.

Kenny sighed. ("See, my parents are drinking and fighting again and I don't want Karen to have to deal with that. Could she and I come over today?")

Ryan smiled. "O' course, Kenny. Me home is yer home. B'sides, I think 'tis sweet how much ya care fer yer sister."

("Thanks, Ryan. You rock.") Kenny replied. After saying goodbye to their other friends, Ryan and Kenny walked down the halls to the First Grade classroom. ("So, Karen can be really shy around new people. Don't take it personal, ok? It's not your fault.")

"Don't worry, Kenny. I'm sure I c'n get Karen t' trust me. I've always been good with kids." Ryan assured his friend. Just then, the door opened and all the kids spilled out. Karen walked up to Kenny and hugged him.

"Hi, big bro." She said.

("Hey, kiddo. This is my friend Ryan.") Kenny replied.

"Hi, Karen. Kenny told me so much about ya." Ryan smiled. Karen hid behind Kenny.

("Hey, it's okay, sweetie. Ryan's one of the nicest kids I know. He won't hurt you.") Kenny said gently.

Karen peeked her head out and looked at Ryan. "You promise?" She asked.

"Cross me heart." Ryan traced a cross over his heart.

-

At the O' Neil house, Kenny and Karen sat on the couch, watching Celtic Thunder's Storm performance while Ryan made snacks in the kitchen. "Big bro, why are mommy and daddy always drinking bad stuff and fighting?" Karen asked.

Kenny pulled her close. ("Karen, some people think that they can just drown their problems with drinks. But, of course, that's not how the world works. Mom and Dad just don't understand that. But that's why we're hanging out with Ryan right now. I don't want you growing up in some shit hole with parents who don't even care. You deserve better than that.")

Karen smiled. "Thanks, Kenny. I'm glad you're my brother."

("And I'm glad to be your brother.") Kenny replied.

Just then, Ryan came into the living room with a tray of goodies. "Okay, we have graham crackers, butter toppin' optional, 3 different kinds o' cookies, Doritos, Lay's potato chips, Cheesy Poofs, Snacky Cakes, Soda Bread if ya wanna taste o' Ireland, an' some veggies t' balance out th' crap."

"Is he always so nice?" Karen whispered.

("Like I said, one of the nicest kids I know.") Kenny replied.

The three of them enjoyed the snacks for a little while, just sitting on the couch, watching TV. As night fell, Karen began to nod off. ("Looks like it's time for us to get going. Thanks again, Ryan.") Kenny said as he picked Karen up.

"Any time, Kenny. I'm always ready t' help me friends. Be safe." Ryan smiled. Karen opened her eyes.

"Bye, Big Bro #2." She said sleepily.

"Bye, Karen. Come by anytime." Ryan replied.

-

When Ryan got to school the next day, Eric Cartman waddled up to him. "Heard you had Kenny and his sister over yesterday. They steal all your food?"

"Cartman, shut th' ever-lovin' fuck up! I'm sick o' ya pickin' on Kenny cuz he's poor. If I recall correctly, ya need him here. Otherwise, yer th' poorest kid in school." Ryan growled.

"...Screw you, Ryan." Cartman muttered. As he walked away, Ryan was suddenly tackle hugged by Karen.

"Hey, Big Bro #2!" She squealed.

Ryan laughed. "Hi, Karen. How are ya?"

"Great! I saw my guardian angel again last night! He convinced my parents to stop drinking and arguing!" Karen reported.

("Damn straight, he did.") Kenny added as he walked up. Ryan smiled at his friend. Kenny winked.

"Come on, Karen, we'll walk ya t' class." Ryan smiled.

"Will I see you after?" Karen asked.

"If ya want me to, I will." Ryan smiled.

"Good. I like being with my big bros." Karen smiled. That made Ryan's heart melt.

-

At Recess that day, Ryan and Kenny played tetherball. "So, Kenny, does it bother ya tha' Karen calls me her big bro #2?" Ryan asked.

("Oh, hell no, dude. I think it's sweet. See, Kevin's not much of a brother to either of us, so it makes me happy that she likes you that much. Besides, you and I are already pals, so why not be bros at the same time?") Kenny replied.

"Or maybe even...crime-fighting partners?" Ryan suggested.

("What? You'd really want to do that? But you don't have any powers.") Kenny replied.

"No, but I do have great speed, agility, weapons trainin', mastery o' hand-t'-hand, and knowledge o' Celtic lore. I c'n help ya protect Karen, not just from yer parents' drunken escapades, but from anythin'." Ryan offered.

Kenny thought about it. ("Well...okay. But you'll need a name and costume by tonight. Then meet me on my rooftop at midnight. Your training will begin there.")


	4. Karen's New Angel

It was a sad day in South Park, Colorado. Kenny McCormick had died of a terminal disease. It was a hard blow to his friends and family, especially his little sister Karen and his close friends Stan, Kyle, Cartman, and Ryan.

At the funeral, the 4 boys walked up to the casket. "We'll...miss you, Kenny." Stan whispered, tears in his eyes. Kyle put his hand on Stan's shoulder and pulled him into a comforting hug, gently kissing the boy's forehead. Ever since Kenny's passing, the two realized how much they meant to each other.

"You were so kewel, Kenny. Almost as kewel as me. May God grant you authoritah." Cartman prayed.

Ryan wiped tears from his eyes. "Kenny...I always felt tha' you an' I were more than just friends. We were like brothers...maybe even Super Best Friends. I swear on me Celtic blood tha' I'll watch over Karen fer ya. No matter what, she'll be safe." He vowed.

Stan and Kyle both hugged Ryan. "You and Kenny were Super Best Friends, Ryan. We could tell." Stan said.

"You two were tied together by your love for Karen. Only Super Best Friends have ties like that." Kyle added.

Cartman nodded. "You know, Ryan, I know that, uh, you and I don't get along...but maybe you'd consider being our fourth best friend? To fill the void left by Kenny?"

Ryan shook his head. "No, Cartman, an' 'tis not 'cause o' our history. No one can fill Kenny's place in our hearts. B'sides, I have duties t' attend t'." He declined.

\- 3 weeks later-

In the weeks following Kenny's passing, Karen would always go to Ryan when she was troubled. He was like another big brother to her. But Ryan couldn't be there at all times. At night, poor Karen still had to deal with her parents' constant drinking and smoking, or the constant arguments and fights between her parents and her oldest brother Kevin. It was very devastating for the youngest McCormick. She often cried herself to sleep.

One night, as Karen lay in her bed, tears running down her face as her parents argued down the hall, she suddenly heard someone land on her windowsill. Turning, she saw a figure clad in a black and green suit, the upper half of their face hidden by a black mask with a green Celtic cross on the forehead. The suit looked like it was made of a combination of Kevlar and Cotten, breathable yet durable. A green cross identical to the one on the mask adorned the front, going from the sternum all the way down to the naval. The utility belt was loaded with all kinds of tools and gadgets. The hero's gloves and boots were green and somewhat armored at the kneecaps and elbows. A green cape blew in the cold night wind, held at the nape of the neck by a decorative brooch that also resembled a cross.

Karen looked up at the figure fearfully. "Who...who are you?" She whispered.

The figure hopped of the windowsill and landed at Karen's bedside. "Fear not, Karen. I'm not gonna hurt ya. I was sent t' protect ya. Ya may call me Commander Celt." His voice was low, but smooth.

"Did...Kenny send you?" Karen asked.

Commander Celt smiled warmly. "I guess ya c'n say tha'."

Karen smiled too. "Guess that makes you my second Guardian Angel."

"I guess so, sweetie. Now, if ya'll excuse me, I have a job t' do." The Emerald Avenger quietly snuck out of Karen's room and came to her parent's room. The door was closed. The hero kicked it open with a loud bang, scaring Mr. and Mrs. McCormick.

"What the hell?! Who are you?!" Mr. McCormick demanded.

"Name's Commander Celt. Me job is th' safety o' yer daughter. An' right now, tha' means makin' sure that her parents aren't screwin' up." Commander Celt growled.

"Oh, yeah? And how the Sam Hill are ya gonna do that?" The Missus drawled.

Commander Celt reached for his utility belt, unhooking a black metallic rod about 2 feet in length. Pressing a switch, the rod extended to about 4 feet long. With another switch flip, the ends sparked with green energy. "Yer gonna be better parents. Stop drinkin' an' arguin' so much and be supportive. I know yer son is dead, but this isn't helpin' matters. Yer daughter needs role models. She needs her parents."

Mr. McCormick raised an eyebrow. "And what if we choose not to do a damn thing?"

Commander Celt jabbed Mr. McCormick with his staff, shocking him with the strength of a stun gun. "Ow, dammit! Alright, we see your point. We'll...try to be better parents." Mr. McCormick relented.

Commander Celt nodded as he retracted his staff and put it back on his belt. "Ya'd better. Cuz I'll be watchin'. I'll be watchin' very closely." He warned before jumping out the window and disappearing into the night.

"Here we go again. Just like with that Mysterion character." Mrs. McCormick groaned.

"Maybe we ought to lay off the Peyote. These mass hallucinations are too much." Her husband agreed.

-

The next morning, Ryan walked over to the McCormick house to walk Karen to school, just like he always did. Karen came racing out, an excited look on her face. "Ryan! Ryan! I saw another Guardian Angel last night!"

Ryan chuckled. "Another one, eh, wee sis? What did he look like? He have wings and a halo?"

Karen shook her head. "Uh-uh. He was dressed in black and green and he had crosses on his head and chest. He called himself Commander Celt. He somehow got my parents to be nicer to me."

"Oh, well, ain't tha' cool? Guess Kenny didn't wanna leave ya unprotected, huh? Sending Angels t' his sis."

Karen hugged Ryan. "Silly, the angels protect me at night. You're my protection during the day."

Ryan kissed the top of Karen's head. "An' tha's a job I intend t' fulfill."

-

Late that night, Commander Celt was perched in a tree, watching Karen as she slept. "Don't worry, Karen. Nothin' bad's gonna happen t' ya while I'm here." He promised.

"So you're the protector now, huh?" A deep, gravelly voice from nowhere echoed.

The Emerald Avenger pulled out his staff and extended it. "Who's there?"

The air shimmered next to him, then a spirit appeared. It was a figure dressed in dark colors, their face concealed by a hood. A question mark adorned the figures chest and the top of their hood.

Commander Celt lowered his staff. "Mysterion? How-?"

"That doesn't matter now, Celt. Karen needs a hero. And right now, that's you. I just want to make sure you're right for the job." Mysterion said.

"Oh, I'm right fer th' job, Mysterion, I promise. Karen's safe with me." Commander Celt swore.

"Good." Mysterion smiled as he lowered his hood. "Just know that I'll be watching you too, Super Best Friend." Kenny smiled.

Commander Celt removed his mask. "Much appreciated. Might need someone t' watch me. Glad 'tis you." Ryan smiled.

Kenny began to fade. "And, hey, while you're at it, keep watch for that jerk-off, the Coon. Asshole likes to cause trouble."

"Let him try. Commander Celt's always ready." Ryan smirked.

"I know. Good luck, brother." Kenny said as he vanished.

Ryan wiped a tear away before donning his mask. "I'll make ya proud, Kenny. Celt's honor."


End file.
